Saturday, January 20, 2007

Pain

Pain is the force that makes me feel the air with an illusion of hope and face disappointment. Pain is the monster that makes me see the world beneath a mask of truth. Pain is what awaits me behind every door I unlock, compelling me to acknowledge its right over me. Pain is the dominance to which I have to surrender.

Pain is the stitch in my side, the tears that well up behind my eyes. Pain is what prevents those tears from flowing down but dry into nothing in the lump of my throat. Pain is knowing I mean nothing to the ones I care for. Pain is loving someone who forgets me. Pain is the injustice that goes unnoticed, pretending everything's fine, dreading what would come tomorrow. Pain is what fades my smile the instant it is born.

Pain is a bird with a broken wing, a fish trying to live on land, my dreams fading to oblivion. Pain is a music that was never enjoyed, a miracle which earned no reward, an achievement that will never be recognised. Pain is not knowing and having to wonder. Pain is that endless wait for a loving gesture. Pain is a tear in my mother's eye. Pain is witnessing an emotional goodbye. Pain is having to say goodbye. Pain is not being able to say goodbye.

Pain is knowing words can kill. Pain is knowing I will die soon. Pain is knowing I will die before I accomplish. Pain is knowing I was not born to accomplish. Pain is someone telling me I'm not good enough. Pain is nobody loving me as much as I need to be loved. Pain is nobody wanting my love. Pain is wanting to die. Pain is someone saving me when I want to die. Pain is all that is there in my life. Pain is life.

PS: I am one of the strongest persons I have not known.

Monday, January 08, 2007

An evening with you

Lets sit by the window of our top floor apartment. Turn off those lights and let the room be bathed in the light of the candle I hold. I see your face.. your eyes that mean the world to me.

Blow out the candle.

Darkness for a moment. Then, light from the far-away-yet-so-close skyscrapers seeps in and I see your eyes again..those brown eyes.. Shania Twain playing in the background.

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

I look down at the minscule people walking back home at this hour, possibly drunk after a night of clubbing. The fact that they stay up past 11 just to get drunk always went over me. But do I care? I have better reasons to stay up till dawn.

A momentary shrug and I look back into those eyes. Who cares what the world does when I have you by my side? The light still dim, a blanket warming us..

You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're the one I want for life

And the blown out candle still in my hand..the clubbers still walking by..