Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Don't piss me off. I know where you live.

This educative article requires some amount of 'build up' which may be modeled thus:

It is a wonderful feeling to commemorate eleven years on the internet, marked by 'cherished' milestones - lurking in chat rooms at age 11 (circa 2000 AD), owning a web page at age 13 (Geocities closed else I'd link you to it), moderating forums by age 15 and the pseudonym cursedsoul gaining veteran status by age 16. But the peak of elation occurs when you tell kids you've been online since the 90's, witnessing the birth of Wikipedia, growth of Google, fall of innumerable biggies or that you were among the first few broadband users in the whole goddamn country. Pre-release, yes.

Point of bragging : An Introduction to Internet Etiquette for Dummies. Somebody HAD to churn this out.

Subsequent paragraphs are directed at you, you and you.

So you thought you'd go spewing stuff on the internet because the poor souls that constitute your friends list never tell you they think you suck. None of them probably even got the point of you uploading those 289 pictures - 16 with your (insert well-chosen adjective) boyfriend pouting against a dark backdrop, 54 identical shots of three people and alcohol, the rest a collage of solo shots - your eyes, fake tattoos, nostrils, ear pinnae and toe nails. Anyone with a life would be pained to see even Farce-book being abused that way.

Your pictorial abuse may be pardoned because it is not impossible to ignore the 'pics uploaded!!!!11one' notification. But then you choose to stalk GTalk with status messages piled up over a span of months (seriously, dustbin!). Hate to break this to you but nobody cares if you '3 Idiotsss | aal izz welll| Bacardi rocks | Clinic + shampoo!|' or cannot distinguish between the terms status message and profile description. Oh wait if you thought these messages were conversation starters then the junta just obtained adequate material to induce mirthless laughter till Diwali 2010.

And then the concept of Twitter. The whole point of the site, I believe, is to socialize, keep in touch, etcetera. This implies that while your 'followers' would pay rapt attention to events like you winning the lottery, giving away free food, wine or money, they might go on to wish you on your birthday or extend polite condolence upon tragedy. It would hardly matter to them if you 'woke up nw gting l8 gotta go'. Kindly stop Tweeting about your coughs, sneezes and cats. Nobody cares.


Etiquette in the virtual world is not different from that in the real one. Try to not repel people without intending to. If you see a 'busy' icon beside a name, chances are it wasn't placed there by accident and it surely isn't the time to issue a 400 word unsolicited review on Avatar. Kindly refrain from SMS and phone notifications to your photo albums or blog updates because nobody is that keen on seeing your Photoshopped grin. May your status messages not reveal your mother's maiden name or make you assume that aura of 'mystery'. Help keep the virtual world clean. Recycle plastic, use water judiciously and brush twice a day.

PS: If you were linked to this post by an email, do drop in and say hello. :) Chances are we haven't corresponded in years