Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Don't piss me off. I know where you live.

This educative article requires some amount of 'build up' which may be modeled thus:

It is a wonderful feeling to commemorate eleven years on the internet, marked by 'cherished' milestones - lurking in chat rooms at age 11 (circa 2000 AD), owning a web page at age 13 (Geocities closed else I'd link you to it), moderating forums by age 15 and the pseudonym cursedsoul gaining veteran status by age 16. But the peak of elation occurs when you tell kids you've been online since the 90's, witnessing the birth of Wikipedia, growth of Google, fall of innumerable biggies or that you were among the first few broadband users in the whole goddamn country. Pre-release, yes.

Point of bragging : An Introduction to Internet Etiquette for Dummies. Somebody HAD to churn this out.

Subsequent paragraphs are directed at you, you and you.

So you thought you'd go spewing stuff on the internet because the poor souls that constitute your friends list never tell you they think you suck. None of them probably even got the point of you uploading those 289 pictures - 16 with your (insert well-chosen adjective) boyfriend pouting against a dark backdrop, 54 identical shots of three people and alcohol, the rest a collage of solo shots - your eyes, fake tattoos, nostrils, ear pinnae and toe nails. Anyone with a life would be pained to see even Farce-book being abused that way.

Your pictorial abuse may be pardoned because it is not impossible to ignore the 'pics uploaded!!!!11one' notification. But then you choose to stalk GTalk with status messages piled up over a span of months (seriously, dustbin!). Hate to break this to you but nobody cares if you '3 Idiotsss | aal izz welll| Bacardi rocks | Clinic + shampoo!|' or cannot distinguish between the terms status message and profile description. Oh wait if you thought these messages were conversation starters then the junta just obtained adequate material to induce mirthless laughter till Diwali 2010.

And then the concept of Twitter. The whole point of the site, I believe, is to socialize, keep in touch, etcetera. This implies that while your 'followers' would pay rapt attention to events like you winning the lottery, giving away free food, wine or money, they might go on to wish you on your birthday or extend polite condolence upon tragedy. It would hardly matter to them if you 'woke up nw gting l8 gotta go'. Kindly stop Tweeting about your coughs, sneezes and cats. Nobody cares.


Etiquette in the virtual world is not different from that in the real one. Try to not repel people without intending to. If you see a 'busy' icon beside a name, chances are it wasn't placed there by accident and it surely isn't the time to issue a 400 word unsolicited review on Avatar. Kindly refrain from SMS and phone notifications to your photo albums or blog updates because nobody is that keen on seeing your Photoshopped grin. May your status messages not reveal your mother's maiden name or make you assume that aura of 'mystery'. Help keep the virtual world clean. Recycle plastic, use water judiciously and brush twice a day.

PS: If you were linked to this post by an email, do drop in and say hello. :) Chances are we haven't corresponded in years


Marsha said...

Cursedsoul, glad to know youre alive and kicking. Your mail was like a wakeup call..its been what 6 years since PT?
You were a great admin and (now) a wonderful blogger. Lots of love from Canada :):):):)

-Marsha (vanillarose)

Marsha said...

..and I loved the post. Everything I wanted to say to Tweeters..well written.

Pooja said...

Brush twice a day itseems.
Welcome back, washte-peepal-swatter Aksie. You were missed.

Purab said...

Yes..made a note of everything.Will consult it frequently. Good one. Sarcasm is back. Am happy.

Praveen said...

Angsty and biting and much needed. Paste teh link onto your wall/scrapbook/etc. :P

But Internet is Anonymous. And Anonymous is free, uncouth and intentionally inarticulate. Anarchy.
Which is why I mark all the content you mentioned as NA.

PS: The BB here(!)is nice. :D

Akshata said...

@ Praveen:

Beg to disagree. The very concept of anonymity is vested in the idea of being intentionally articulate. That, my friend, extends to anarchy.

But let us, for a moment, base the conversation on your argument. When you see etiquette-lacking updates from that guy in the last row of class, you know it isn't anonymity.

Praveen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Praveen said...

Umm, I guess I phrased it wrong. Anonymity can also mean that you can say whatever you want and get away with it. And irate people on the internet are not always articulate or polite or classy. :)

The gist of what I was trying to say was it's futile trying to govern the internet. So when I see etiquette lacking updates from that guy in the last row of class, I deem it "Not Applicable" for me.

Anyway, it was a venom spitting article. Loved it. :)

Akshata said...

Indeed. Only it is so much more satisfying to help make a person's expression better than merely ignoring it. Even if it means composing venom-spitting literature.

I'm glad you liked it. :)

gavaria kaleem (gia) said...

lurking in chat rooms at age 11 (circa 2000 AD)
dear god!! :O
although I'm glad you did what you did. we met. <3

Help keep the virtual world clean. Recycle plastic, use water judiciously and brush twice a day.


queen of sarcasm. but you didn't have to use that prolonged build up. :P keep mailing <3

Madhurya said...

Maybe with your permission i'd like to post the link to your article on my 'wall' so that the irritating pricks on my list too can learn some manners. :)
I should thank you for the article. May it bring change in the cyber world.


Akshata said...

It would be my pleasure. Thank you for reading. :)

Merin Mandanna said...

HAHAHA! My first read of 2010 and what a trip it was! :D Loved it, loved it, loved it! Just that Aksie that I fell in love with. :D
Plain awesomeness. You are the best 'basher' I know. Love the sarcasm and relieved to be in your good books. :D

Akshata said...

Thank you, chotu. Was LIBERATED writing this. :)


Just that Aksie that I fell in love with. :D

We'll keep our lou away from these people ok? They don't have to know. B-)

Anonymous said...

YOU DONT PISS ME OFF. so what if you know where i live. watch outh for the electrified spoon peeking beaneath the door.

Akshata said...

Oooo. :P

That scared me away from spraying any liquid on your door. Wouldn't want to waste cash on a ticket to Ranchi, Jharkand anyway.

Desai said...

Wow ! You really did all that from the age of 11 ! Cool.

Heard about Google wave yet ? Check it out it's awesome.Let me know if you need an invite.

Nice article.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Akshata said...

I almost always know who 'Anonymous' is, thanks to Blogger's useful add-ons. If I do not, your posts mean zilch to me and they'll be gone.

Meghana Naidu said...

you girls always make me tear up!

brush your teeth twice a day
that's what i always say!

when i die @ 28, somebody can carry forward the legacy!
oh you
*sniff sniff

Akshata said...

Or just pop in an Orbit..whatever.

You will live to be 90. Old, grey, toothless et al. :P

Meghana Naidu said...

at the rate im going, doubt it.
old and toothless. no way. i brush my teeth twice remember ;)

is it to much to ask you girls to write more?
a one month break between your most recent.

shame shame!

Owais Ahmed said...

The sacrilege needs to be stopped. This article's going on my wall!

Prachet said...

Deservedly, its among THE best posts of all time. *Awesome* would be an understatement!

Akshata said...

Thanks, you all. :)
I'm so happy *sniff* :D

@ aunty:
Yes yes I'll write more often. Godpromise.

Owais Ahmed said...

Looking forward to that! :D

Vinod R Iyer said...

Some people never learn I guess. And how about that astrology messages on facebook. People should be banned for putting the aal is well status message.

Super post :)

iMindG said...

extract of this post should be fed as one of computer ethics topic!!
Good one!

Anonymous said...

Can anything be caustic and vitriolic at the same time ?

Some sarcasm and some much needed tips - nice post.

Akshata said...

I'm on seventh heaven! :D Thank you. :)

Kertz said...

Reading for the third time now. :| You have in fact grown out of this blog! :P

Stop writing ;)

kiran said...

liked it :). YOU truly were a literary queen from school days...

write more


Merin Mandanna said...

Write something already! :( x-(

Karthik said...

I'm reading this article..4 months after you posted it. Wow.

BIG Omi said...

Did I mentioned i love you! no.. ok i do!! Bravo post! Clearly directed toward me, me and meee.. will try to not spam with silly updates! but y do i get 57 comments when i update "Peed :P" at 1 am... anyway i shall oblige u! and is brushing twice really that necessary?? i eat loadsa happydentwhite... to cover my bad breath from marlboroz... adios.. loved ur post! take care

BIG Omi said...

BTW article is written on my Birtday! So i shall consider it as a gift from you! :) Thank you soooooo very much :P

Akshata said...

@ Karry:

What can I say..

@ 'BIG Omi'

I'm flattered. Thank you if you think the post made a difference.

Vampyric Thirst said...

I wish I had come across this article a year or so ago. Would have loved to spam some morons with this every time they had the audacity to type out their latest brainfreeze moment on barfbook and Twitart.

Anyways, brilliant writing