Saturday, November 07, 2009

Out of Place

Have you ever lived an outcast's life? If affirmative, mail me now with vivid description. We can talk.

When you have been encouraged to disagree all your life, it seems suffocating to trek eighteen miles in a straight line of conservative humans starting one cloudy morning. My cloudy morning has lasted longer than two years with several indefinitely procrastinated trips to a mental health facility not far away. Soon, I might be a permanent resident in the aforementioned facility.

Mortals who knew this author in her formative years would remember her as an extrovert who wouldn't spare a moment's silence. Couldn't spare a moment's silence, rather. The trek has flipped things. She now hunches in a chair from dawn to dusk, light years away from mortals of her species, pursuing a much-detested activity that would soon be her means of eking out a living. In absolute quiet.

Every dawn, she stirs with the hope of a pleasant conversation with enjoyable company at her workplace, even if it lasts only minutes, that could kill the frustration of being compelled to pursue something she passionately disliked. A chat, a laugh..whatever.


(Had she not found a pet hamster, she wouldn't have sustained the head injury.)

Friday, July 17, 2009

Penultimate dream

Two days straight
I stayed quiet
Lost in thought
All yours.
On the third,
I thought not of you
And since then
I have not thought.

Of those days we laughed
Shared and cared
And loved.
Of the time we spent
On grass, in water
In the moonlight together
I have not thought.

I shall not dwell
On when you'll be here
For you will be here
And then we shall live
All those days
Again, those evenings

Sunday, July 12, 2009

F.I.E.N.D.S - 3 : Burglar alarm!

So some rascals thought it would be funny to break into my residence when my parents were out of town.

It happened on the 9th of July, 2009. After a memorable day out, this blogger returned home to find the front door of her residence left open, door locks duly broken. Although panic stricken, I managed to grab the handle of the door with a leaf of tissue (the fingerprints, yo!) , latch it externally and run to the dwelling next door, dialing dad on speed dial 3. Jayashree Aunty and her hubby proved instrumental in subsiding my adrenalin with a generous dose of caffeine while dad worked in the background to alert the local police.

Guilt overpowered as random thoughts of letting folks down crept my mind until the caffeine suggested that a bunch of vagabonds on a door-breaking rampage was beyond my control. With a curious urge to examine indoor damage, I followed the neighbors to explore the plunderers' path, armed with a broken curtain rod and Baygon spray. The weapons must have scared away those criminals who had thought of hiding indoors. Heh. B-)

It was quite evident that the entire house had been searched for gold and cash: cabinets and lockers were broken, their contents scattered pell-mell; mattresses shifted, pillow cases torn and grocery containers in the kitchen open (yahaha :D). Surprisingly, electronic gadgets were left to themselves as were artifacts even remotely related to god and religion, only to instill an image of a god-fearing burglar in the observer. A quick conversation with parents later, the cops arrived: a Hoysala van, a police jeep and two leopard printed bikes--totalling ten policemen--as if to investigate murder.

Exhibit A: Indoors

As the cops examined each room, an officer applauded mom's security measure of storing even minor valuables in bank lockers due to which the estimated amount stolen was not far from 0 INR. While detectives drew sketch upon sketch, the forensic team reported that the burglars had performed their course of action with gloved hands, making them hard to trace. They did take a record of my fingerprints though, probably aware of my previous and potential bank-robbing sketches.

Exhibit B: The kitchen

About ten people had to be fed dinner from a burgled house. Neighbour aunties volunteered to cook in their own kitchens during BESCOM's load shedding and the resultant was surprisingly tasty. They even volunteered to stay over with me overnight and they did! This is when I began to appreciate India's know-thy-neighbour way of life. :)

Exhibit C: The street

The arrival of cops created a stir in the eternally peaceful neighbourhood with no history of crime. Most citizens even suspected an arrest and emerged from respective residences to watch me being bombarded with questions at the gate. Soon, I was narrating the incident to strangers for the sixth time, including one Narmada Aunty who stays about eight miles away. The sympathy received was heartwarming and I received adequate material to compose a seven-series saga about instances of crime in Bangalore.

Mom arrived at 03:45 the next morning and burst into laughter. The Hindu tradition apparently frowns upon empty jewelry cases stored at home which prompted her to place 1 and 2 INR coins in each box..a factor that incensed the thieves who had thrown boxes about in angst. One of them must have hit the mirror and shattered it. To top it off, the forty-two pairs of earrings I own were scattered on the floor, with a snide hint to invest an entire vacation rearranging them in pairs. Passport, bank documents, CDs, books and everything else untouched. :)

What you must learn from the above narration:
  • When you leave home for a couple of days, tell few or none about it if you are new to a locality and trust nobody.
  • Alternately, inform trustworthy neighbors of your excursion and plead them to keep a watch/respond to abnormal happenings in your absence. Bribe them with a box of's that simple.
  • Invest in an iron grill door. More importantly, keep it locked.
  • Stuff all your valuables in a bank locker near your residence. Place expensive gadgets and art in it when you will be away from home. Indian thieves are 'high-class' now. The ones that attacked my dwelling, sadly, weren't but may that not lead to lax security.
Elementary instructions given, I shall now consume medication against possible swine flu/other harmful virus attack and continue rearranging stuff.

And pursue chanting curses against the schmucks who ruined half a week of vacation.

Alright it was a little exciting.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I dream a dream

I have a glow-in-the-dark bedspread now. It gave me quite a fright when I turned out the lights at 23:52 last night. What makes it more qzxfjyi is the fact that it comes with matching pillow cases. The sheet set is ocean blue in colour which looks qzxfjyi in mine room with olive green walls, chocolate brown doors and VTU textbooks.

There's more. I have been dreaming questionable content since the bedspread was welcomed into our family. This afternoon, for instance, a gorilla in a black tux held out a wedding ring to me. Yesterday, the gorilla had only smiled. I could swear I had smoked nothing, with no intoxicating substance existing in a 200m radius (couldn't speak on behalf of that techie nearby though..he plays Vengaboys on full bass past 22:00).

Ah. Nights will be exciting.

Friday, April 03, 2009

F.I.E.N.D.S - 2

Hopped I, off another eatery clutching edibles of the sweet kind. Before you judge me a merciless binger, I'd like to hear what you know about three day long sugarless survival with four hours' sleep a day (night?). Not that sleeping longer would aid the XX chromosome's sugarless existence.

Yeah. So. The aroma of baked and frozen edibles from the 50 micron polythene bag was quite overpowering. With deliberate, quick footsteps of constant measure, I was estimated to reach residence in about 500 seconds. A sense of strange calmness possessed my being, as against the general anxiety observed in the last few months while manually transporting food under human surveillance. The polythene bag could sense it too; its contents moved about in an inharmonious fashion and I was forced to invest several seconds in relocating them during which my shoes chose to tread on something that wasn't tar or stone.


"Ey! Stop!"

Shoes chose to stop.

"You cannot see on what you are walking? It is not even dark."

I inclined pi/2 radians towards the ground to observe the trodden object: a visual aid with one of the elongated levers that rest on one's ears nearly separated from the rest of the frame. The object was picked up, handed over to its owner with a hurried apology: the frozen edibles came with a 'meltable' warning!

"What sorry? You know how much this spectacles is costing?"

I see you in a spectacle! But then I'm half blind..

Another apology. And an offer to manually re-fit the frame. It only required a few screw driver twirls anyway.

"I am getting only 2 paisa from every tablet I sale. With that I should buy everything for family members. You youngsters think everything is easy.."

Elementary analysis placed subject as a chemist. My grey cells have been programmed to fear humans clutching syringes and/or ingestible medication. But then irony had ordered the incident to occur in visible vicinity of 'Sharp Eye Care and Contant Lens Clinic'. Ignoring an adjective to a popular syringe attachment in the very title of the establishment's nomenclature, I darted in, invested limited finance in repair of the visual aid while its owner stood breathing on mine neck.

The frozen edibles had formed an emulsion with the baked edibles at 21 minutes past their time of expiration. The concoction, however, was consumed with glee. I hence urge you to not watch what you step on, particularly if you like consuming exotica that also provides food for business-idea related fantasy.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Crappy New Year

I remember looking forward to 1/1/09 on 1/1/08 while attempting to solve a numerical on Heisenberg's relation at approximately 21:00 hrs (+5:30 GMT). Even sang (that's right) to myself a little resolution.
"I swear to Lucifer to do everything that can be done to make the year all spluxoroni (don't bother looking the term up)."
The resolution lasted eleven hours.

31/12/08, 23:50 hrs (+5:30 GMT). Iron-fisted subject called Failed Theory the next morning, with a state average pass percentage nearly equal to the minimum rickshaw fare in Bengaluru. Yet I sat sipping caffeine..slow, deliberate sips, parallely adding humour to vector analytical diagrams (a memory technique which eventually did more harm than help). A new song, a new resolution. You don't want to know.

The next day, a rag flaunting eight questions ripped my will to survive.

A lunch session with Ze-Worry including awesomeawesome chocolate mousse kept chanting 'Guilty! Muhahahaha'. The incident left a scar behind, as have many others..I am now forced to wear a veil. Little human offsprings call me Ninja.


PS1: The title? Yeah I know..

PS2: $%#@%@&^%)*&!!!!!