Sunday, July 12, 2009

F.I.E.N.D.S - 3 : Burglar alarm!

So some rascals thought it would be funny to break into my residence when my parents were out of town.

It happened on the 9th of July, 2009. After a memorable day out, this blogger returned home to find the front door of her residence left open, door locks duly broken. Although panic stricken, I managed to grab the handle of the door with a leaf of tissue (the fingerprints, yo!) , latch it externally and run to the dwelling next door, dialing dad on speed dial 3. Jayashree Aunty and her hubby proved instrumental in subsiding my adrenalin with a generous dose of caffeine while dad worked in the background to alert the local police.

Guilt overpowered as random thoughts of letting folks down crept my mind until the caffeine suggested that a bunch of vagabonds on a door-breaking rampage was beyond my control. With a curious urge to examine indoor damage, I followed the neighbors to explore the plunderers' path, armed with a broken curtain rod and Baygon spray. The weapons must have scared away those criminals who had thought of hiding indoors. Heh. B-)

It was quite evident that the entire house had been searched for gold and cash: cabinets and lockers were broken, their contents scattered pell-mell; mattresses shifted, pillow cases torn and grocery containers in the kitchen open (yahaha :D). Surprisingly, electronic gadgets were left to themselves as were artifacts even remotely related to god and religion, only to instill an image of a god-fearing burglar in the observer. A quick conversation with parents later, the cops arrived: a Hoysala van, a police jeep and two leopard printed bikes--totalling ten policemen--as if to investigate murder.

Exhibit A: Indoors

As the cops examined each room, an officer applauded mom's security measure of storing even minor valuables in bank lockers due to which the estimated amount stolen was not far from 0 INR. While detectives drew sketch upon sketch, the forensic team reported that the burglars had performed their course of action with gloved hands, making them hard to trace. They did take a record of my fingerprints though, probably aware of my previous and potential bank-robbing sketches.

Exhibit B: The kitchen

About ten people had to be fed dinner from a burgled house. Neighbour aunties volunteered to cook in their own kitchens during BESCOM's load shedding and the resultant was surprisingly tasty. They even volunteered to stay over with me overnight and they did! This is when I began to appreciate India's know-thy-neighbour way of life. :)

Exhibit C: The street

The arrival of cops created a stir in the eternally peaceful neighbourhood with no history of crime. Most citizens even suspected an arrest and emerged from respective residences to watch me being bombarded with questions at the gate. Soon, I was narrating the incident to strangers for the sixth time, including one Narmada Aunty who stays about eight miles away. The sympathy received was heartwarming and I received adequate material to compose a seven-series saga about instances of crime in Bangalore.

Mom arrived at 03:45 the next morning and burst into laughter. The Hindu tradition apparently frowns upon empty jewelry cases stored at home which prompted her to place 1 and 2 INR coins in each box..a factor that incensed the thieves who had thrown boxes about in angst. One of them must have hit the mirror and shattered it. To top it off, the forty-two pairs of earrings I own were scattered on the floor, with a snide hint to invest an entire vacation rearranging them in pairs. Passport, bank documents, CDs, books and everything else untouched. :)


What you must learn from the above narration:
  • When you leave home for a couple of days, tell few or none about it if you are new to a locality and trust nobody.
  • Alternately, inform trustworthy neighbors of your excursion and plead them to keep a watch/respond to abnormal happenings in your absence. Bribe them with a box of sweets..it's that simple.
  • Invest in an iron grill door. More importantly, keep it locked.
  • Stuff all your valuables in a bank locker near your residence. Place expensive gadgets and art in it when you will be away from home. Indian thieves are 'high-class' now. The ones that attacked my dwelling, sadly, weren't but may that not lead to lax security.
Elementary instructions given, I shall now consume medication against possible swine flu/other harmful virus attack and continue rearranging stuff.

And pursue chanting curses against the schmucks who ruined half a week of vacation.

Alright it was a little exciting.

33 comments:

Meghana Naidu said...

1. You are totally making this up.
2. you are totally making this up!

No one and i mean NO ONE is this danger prone.
Girl you need radar surveillance, Z level security, or ATLEAST 'Police line DoNot cross' tape wrapped aroudn you.

Whatte story. and my whole family was in splits when i told them the 1-rupee-coin deal.

I think my mom is a fan of your mom's security measures. she's queueing up at the bank first thing in the morning :P


Totally ROFL worthy!

Akshata said...

Still traumatised and you accuse me of making this up. Come help clean the mess here. B-)

Meghana Naidu said...

i will i will if you promise i could have all the earrings i manage to co ordinate and put in pairs.
whatsay?
:D

Chaitanya said...

Gawd!
Must be quite quite shocking. Good to hear that nothing valuable was taken.
I didn't get what swine flu (ooops, H1N1) is got to do with the break-in though :P

Boneywasawarriorwayayix said...

Heheh...Sorry can't help laughing.

My heart actually goes to those "fiends" for finding 1-rupee or 2-rupee coin in the jewelery boxes.

This reminds me of an old XKCD(or is it Popsickle) comic-strip on "Kill them with Kindness" :D

Anonymous said...

Fancy! great articulation & literary skills.. love it. would you mind teaching me a thing or two? i'm from boonies.
Waiting..
Regards,
Santosh Bhat

Anonymous said...

Fancy! great articulation & literary skills.. love it. would you mind teaching me a thing or two? i'm from boonies.
Waiting..
Regards,
Santosh Bhat

Kertz said...

where did you hide the chocolates? :S

Akshata said...

@ Meghana:

I shall hire help. Go away. B-)

@ Chaitanya:

It wasn't H1N1, after all. :)

@ Boney:

They searched a box of red chillies in the kitchen. :D

Akshata said...

@ Mr. Bhat:

Thanks for visiting, although it looks like I have a lot to learn from thee. Do forward a blog link or two. :)

@ Kertz:

Yeah ok I'll tell you that. :P
Funny how they didn't search the refrigerator. Gold can be hidden in ice trays. :|

Vinay Hegde said...

Have you seen 'Following'? A nice 70 minute, may-be-relevant movie :P

.. a seven-series saga about instances of crime ..
Write 'The Wheel Of Crime' :P

.. the forty-two pairs of earrings ..
42! :O :P

Alright it was a little exciting.
A _little_?! Yeah, right!

How is the flu and the stricken author? Alright? :)

Kertz said...

@Aks

After finding 1Rs and 2Rs coin in the jewelery box, you expect them to have the morale to check in the refrigerator? :O

Boneywasawarriorwayayix said...

A Bad PJ coming up...but can't help it...
Courtesy: Mokkai Club IITM

The simplest way to "generate" swine flu is to make a pig sit on one end of a see-saw and drop Adnan Sami or Samaadhi on the other end. Then you will "generate" Swine-flu :D

Merin Mandanna said...

^ LOL!!! :P

So.Yeah. :D
How you managed to make me(us, all) go "ROFL!!!" over a freaky incident like this is beyond me. You= best, I mean *best* writer this soul has come across. ( I read a little more than before, so you take this compliment without questioning me:P )

'Bank robbing sketches'? }:) We must meet. And plan. }:)
42 pairs, akka? :-o ...... :-o

You take care. Of your health, firstly. And continue to churn out posts, pleasee. :)

Akshata said...

@ Hegde:

I am aware of the movie but refuse to acknowledge the relevance. B-)

@ Kertz:

You are gentleman and a scholar. But the refrigerator contained 2*80% cocoa Lindt chocolate bars which, even when sold in 'black' could fetch a day's worth liquor. :D

@ Boney:

I still haven't recovered from you 'catches win matches' zoke. :|

@ Chotu:

You place me too high. Always. :)

All well now. Just like you are, I'm sure. We, having lived two years on onion samosa, donuts and bhel are healthy people. B-)

Meghana Naidu said...

42 pairs, akka? :-o ...... :-o
ROFL so hard!

BTW you are a celebrity
i wont tell you why though
go ahead, hire help :evil grin:

abhinandan said...

ha ha :)Thanks to the poor Burglar for making this wonderful post come to fruition...
Hope he reads it :)

Akshata said...

@ Architect:

Celebrity ah? How? Whaai? Tell me! :D

@ Abhinandan:

I hope the same. ;) With no open challenges, of course. :|

Meghana Naidu said...

yeah... you say go away, dont give me any goodies, and then you just say tell me and i will... ?

sure, why not?
LMAO

Boneywasawarriorwayayix said...

"Catches win matches"

Seriously?? That was 2 years ago. :)

After more serious deliberations for 2 months along with the help of a professor, many many more solutions of the problem of lighting the cigarette has been developed. :)

Anyway, were there any more burglaries in your area after this? You stay at Yelahanka, right?

Akshata said...

@ Architect:

Aww. Here you are. *offers big chunk of chocolate and a Good-Day biscuit*

This is all I have. :( Tell me. :(

@ Samaadhi:

Would love to read the list. :D No burglaries after that around my residence. :)

Meghana Naidu said...

Actually...
that'll work just fine
O_O
yeah im low-maintenance that way ;)

OK, you know how i told my mom your story. well it traveled long and far (she's a teacher)
and now
the rupee-coin saga has become an urban legend. :D

Yes, yes you can thank me profusely.
:P

purab said...

Its fucking scary, that's what it is.. When was the last time you took something seriously, Aks? Anyway, are police formalities done with? must appreciate the bravery though..I wouldn't be this composed in such a situation..

Aditya said...

thanks to this incident the annoying hoysala goes past our house many a times in the night flashing those brightlights, disturbing the late night show at my place :P
and i have to carefully lock the doors whenever i venture out in the mornings/noons (parents keep reminding me of this incident every other day or when am going out)

no this wasnt the first time that police presence was felt in our street/neighbourhood!u know the houses opposite/adjacent to the bescom office were all demolished the night any sort of construction took place(some land dispute bw the society and the ex-land owner).
as ours was the only house in the vicinity , we were questioned!but we had to stay mum inspite of watching it being demolished in the wee hours and you know why.....

Akshata said...

@ Purab:

You're an idiot.

@ near-neighbour:

I requested the Hoysala to keep a watch on thee. :D And please, please be careful. Our locality isn't that safe. :|

Akshata said...

@ Architect:

You made my mum famous. I'm still far, far away from fame. :(

Praveen said...

Brilliant narration of the event.
And 4958498.3 units funneh. :D

Whenever I picture the burglars finding 1 rupee coins, I go MUAHAHAROFTLMAO..

Owais Ahmed said...

I "stumbled" upon this blog visiting random orkut profiles!

Great stuff! Keep it up! :D

Sorcerer said...

fantastic narration.

man,.,.thats awesome!

Aditya said...

good shit!

Abhishek said...

I'll second that ^

*Raises both arms and sways them up and down*

Akshata said...

:D

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